The best way to say it is I broke down. It was my first real day at work and the kids were great and I got to seeing surprisingly a lot of Savannah. She did very well on her first day. She played nice but she didn't eat much of anything (I took her home during my lunch because she needed to eat something) and she didn't nap. I came home an hour late, ate dinner that my wonderful husband started for me, bathed an exhausted baby, and said a tearful goodbye to Josh before he left for his night job. Its hard. It is hard because I am not with my baby all day. Its hard because I am more tired at the end of my day than I have been for a long time. It is hard because my feet throb from being on my feet all day. It is hard because I come home only to send my husband away and be alone for the night. So, what does a girl who doesn't spend time shedding tears do? I bawled.
Not just the normal cry but the kind of cry that shakes the body and you have to gasp for air and lasts more than thirty minutes. Don't give me sympathy because I don't want it, just tell me that I am doing the right thing, that this is what a super hero does. I knew it would be hard when I got into it and I fought it as long as I could; it was a good year long battle. I know it will be a transition and hopefully will get easier. Just don't worry, I promise I won't shave my head.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A reason to bawl
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7 comments:
You are doing what is best for your little family. We are going through the same kind of thing right now, trying to decide if one of us should get another job. It is tough, but with the Lord's help you guys will get through it. Until then, a bawling session everyone now and then will help! Good Luck!
Sometimes...there is no other option than to just break down and bawl. In my eyes---you are a super hero.
Veronica! You are amazing. And you are doing what you have to do. And day by day it will get easier, especially as you grow to love (okay maybe like a lot) your job. I'm sorry that Josh has to leave you at night. That would totally stink.
It's me again. I know you don't want sympathy but I've been thinking about your shaking shoulders all night. I wish I could come over with some chocolate cake, or a pie would be better for you, huh? I just want you to know that it's going to be okay. And that it's okay that you're sad. I know you will miss all the time with Savannah but you will still be the most important and influential person in her world. I'm so sorry that you have to work, but I know that you are capable of juggling it all. You are a super-mom! I really mean that. Your energy levels will be tested but I know that you can do it. And I really think it will get a little easier day by day. Please tell me when you're feeling better because I can't stop thinking about you!
I know I am not a mom but I am a big sister, aunt, and wife and with those come hard times (not as hard as a mom but still tough). When mom had Jack I was still in HS and I felt like my world was over. I had to be there and fill in because mom and dad both had to work. When I met Steven and moved out I bawled because I missed my Jack Jack. We had this bond I never thought was possible. I loved him so much and felt like no one could take care of him like I could. I called the babysitter multiple times a day and drove the hour just to come and see him for a few hours. I had a hard time with it but I knew I was doing the right thing for myself and him.
I feel so bad for Steven. He works so hard to give me all he can. I try so had to make him comfortable when he gets home but every morning it is really hard to let him go when I know we would both rather have him stay home.
Josh and you are doing the right thing for your family. Josh is working hard to give you and your beautiful Sav the life you deserve. Your job is great for you and Sav. She is exposed to new kids, new experiences and early education and so are you. It is really good for both of you. She'll get to the point where she doesn't want to leave at the end of the day and so will you. You'll both have so much fun.
It's okay to cry but don't let it get to you. Just remember you are doing the right thing and you all are gaining so much from all of this!!
You will do just fine! We all need a little cry (ok, full-on bawling session) every once in a while. It will get easier and I think you will really enjoy it. Keep it up, super hero!
Besides, just think of the good it will do for Savannah--being able to interact with other kids and other adults. Socializing little kids is very important, otherwise you end up with a kid who screams every time you drop them off at preschool, right? :)
Thank you guys! And a pie would be welcomed with open arms Ella! The first day (Tuesday) with Savannah there was the hardest. She is still having a hard time adjusting but she is showing small signs of getting better.
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